Neither the relationship, nor the deceived person, will ever be the same again after an infidelity. So there are many reasons not to forgive an infidelity.
What is infidelity?
A multitude of factors of different natures can lead a person to be unfaithful.
However, the result is the same: a deep wound in the relationship. For infidelity is a form of "betrayal", an attack on the foundations of commitment and mutual trust.
Thus, the question arises in the deceived person whether or not he or she should forgive his or her partner. In addition, it is obvious to also ask whether it is better to stop or to continue the relationship. It is up to him or her to make an important decision after weighing the pros and cons of both options. She has every right to say "it's over".
On the other hand, most of the time, the unfaithful person asks for forgiveness and claims that everything will go back to the way it was before. But this is impossible. The trust has been betrayed, and as the historian Nicolae Lorga explained, "trust is lost only once".
So there are many reasons to end a relationship after infidelity. Here are five of them.
Sexually transmitted diseases
Promiscuity and unprotected sex can be really dangerous. Many sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV or genital herpes can be transmitted from person to person.
Therefore, you must be aware that the person who cheated on you not only betrayed you emotionally, but also disregarded your integrity and your health.
In other words, his or her immaturity and sexual urges outweighed the need to care for and protect his or her partner. In addition, if you are not sure that your partner will change and you think that he or she will continue to be unfaithful, you need to keep this in mind: your health comes first.
Reasons for not forgiving infidelity: hurt self-esteem
Many people tend to feel guilty about their partner's infidelity. In fact, it often happens that men (or women) feel guilty about their partner after being unfaithful: the sex is no longer the same, we've fallen into a routine, etc.
In all cases, this is a form of manipulation that does not assume the consequences of an immature and selfish personal choice. No one is guilty of the infidelity of the other.
Consequently, the deceived person can suffer a real wound in his or her self-esteem. He or she may even feel guilty about the infidelity. Therefore, forgiving infidelity means having to live with this wound, recovering from it and learning to see things clearly again.
On the other hand, the injury may awaken something in you and help you understand that this pain is not worth it because the only culprits are the selfishness and immaturity of the other. Indeed, if you feel guilty about your partner's actions, it is better to stop it and give yourself time.
After infidelity, you can no longer trust your partner
In one of our articles, we explained that trust was one of the fundamental pillars of the relationship. Infidelity breaks and destroys this foundation and what has been built over time with effort and dedication. A relationship is built.
In this sense, an infidelity is a disrespectful act of all that has been built together over the years.
Moreover, how can we trust again someone who has deceived us? Once trust is broken, it is difficult to regain it. Infidelity will therefore always be a shadow that hangs over us.
It is possible to forgive, but impossible to forget.
As we know, it is one thing to forgive and another to forget. Moreover, it is precisely those events as painful as infidelity that can rarely be erased from our memory. This is one of the reasons why it is so difficult to restore trust.
Therefore, be aware that it is almost impossible to forget an infidelity. Thus, blame may reappear, as well as discomfort, pain, hurt and anger. The relationship will certainly never be the same again.
From a rational point of view, it is probably feasible to overcome an infidelity. From an emotional point of view, however, it is more complicated.
Reasons for not forgiving an infidelity: it may happen again
A person who is unfaithful is likely to be unfaithful more than once. As sexologist Tracey Cox explains in Hot Relationships: How to have one, if a person develops a pattern of "cheating" in life, it is highly likely to continue.
And once trust is destroyed, the fact that the person makes promises that everything will go back to the way it was before are just empty words. Mistrust will reign in the couple and the second blow may be even harder on the pride, dignity, and self-esteem of the deceived person.
As you can see, it is extremely difficult for the relationship and partners to remain the same after an infidelity. Similarly, it is often impossible for the person who has been cheated on to regain trust in the other person. They don't have to.
Finally, if you wish to forgive an infidelity, be aware that you are in no way guilty of this act. Above all, you must give yourself time and space to recover. For you have certainly been deeply hurt by your partner's immaturity, selfishness and lack of respect.
